G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (PG-13 for non-stop violent sequences and destructions)
Like plowing through a triple deck ice cream dessert, the film captures you with intensity while it is being "consumed," but slips easily into memory once it has passed.
Once again, the world is threatened by evil beings out to destroy it - or most of it - this time with the use of a newly invented weapon that almost instantly literally chews into oblivion whatever its target, large or small. A group of G.I. Joe's must battle their deadly adversaries through a series of devastatingly loud, rapidly moving sequences before the - well, all I can say about the ending is that they do save the world - but only for the present. Obviously, there's more to follow. And why not? Sequels of this sort could go on - and on - and on - ad nauseam.
Based on comic books, an animated TV series and a popular collection of toy figures, this hyper, wildly presented action thriller puts its emphasis, less on its 2-dimensional characters and more on the action and noise, which conceals the fact that, underneath it all, it's just another, silly plot about ultimate annihilation and the good forces out to prevent it. There's no time allowed to think about the silliness, borrowed in lesser manner from "Dune," "2001," and Franz Kafka, to name a few precedents.
And yet it is not entirely a waste of time. The animating team have raised the ante in computer generated effects (comprising about 90% of the movie's two hours) to the point where one wonders how any similar future film could possible top it. Actors and original plots are becoming less & less important as the special effects take over. Famous Parisian monuments vanish almost instantly in astoundingly rapid ways, people in fantastically created costumes employ fantastically created weaponry, and - with the exception of Dennis Quaid (who looks terribly out of place in his tough commander role), the cast of Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Marlong Wayans (as the ubiquitous Black side-kick) and others are adequate in their cardboard character roles.
The prize goes to the hundreds - perhaps thousands - of behind-the scenes crews who built this elaborate, super-energetic pop-corn flick.
Archived Movie Reviews
August 2009
- JULIE AND JULIA (A-)
- G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (B-)
- INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (B)
- SHORTS (B)
- POST GRAD (F)
July 2009
- MY SISTER'S KEEPER (C+)
- TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (D)
- PUBLIC ENEMIES (B+)
- ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (C+)
- BRUNO (D+)
- HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (A-)
- ORPHAN (B-)
- THE UGLY TRUTH (D+)
- G-FORCE (F+)
June 2009
- UP (A)
- DRAG ME TO HELL (B-)
- THE HANGOVER (C+)
- LAND OF THE LOST (D+)
- THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (B)
- IMAGINE THAT (D+)
- The Proposal (B-)
- Year One (D)
May 2009
- STAR TREK (2009) (A-)
- ANGELS & DEMONS (B-)
- Earth (B+)
- NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (B)
- TERMINATOR 4 (D+)
- DANCE FLICK (D-)
April 2009
- FAST & FURIOUS - #4 (C+)
- HANNAH MONTANA THE MOVIE (B-)
- OBSERVE & REPORT (D+)
- DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION (Grade: F)
- STATE OF PLAY (B+)
- 17 AGAIN (C-)
March 2009
- THE UNINVITED (B-)
- NEW IN TOWN (F)
- REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (A)
- WATCHMEN (B-)
- DEFIANCE (C+)
- DUPLICITY (B-)
- I LOVE YOU, MAN (C-)
- KNOWING (C-)
- CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (F)
- MONSTERS VS. ALIENS (B-)
- THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (C+)
- 12 ROUNDS (C-)
- THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (F)
February 2009
- TAKEN (C+)
- GRAN TORINO (C)
- DOUBT (B-)
- PUSH (B)
- HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (C-)
- THE PINK PANTHER 2 (D)
- THE INTERNATIONAL (B-)
- FRIDAY THE 13th (F)
- SLUMDOG MILLILONAIRE (A-)
- FIRE UP (D)
January 2009
- BRIDE WARS (C-)
- MY BLOODY VALENTINE (C+)
- HOTEL FOR DOGS (C+)
- PAUL BLART: MALL COP (C-)
- INKHEART (C)
- UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (C-)
- THE UNBORN (D-)
December 2008
- AUSTRALIA (B+)
- FOUR CHRISTMASES (F)
- PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (D-)
- THE CHANGELING (A-)
- THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, 2008 (D+)
- SEVEN POUNDS (B-)
- YES MAN (D+)
- TRANSPORTER 3 (D)
- THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (A)
- VALKYRIE (B+)
- THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX (A-)
- MARLEY & ME (D+)
- SPIRIT (D)
November 2008
- W (A-)
- MADAGASCAR II - ESCAPE TO AFRICA (C-)
- ROLE MODELS (D-)
- QUANTUM OF SOLAS (C+)
- BOLT (B)
- TWILIGHT (C+)
October 2008
- BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (C+)
- QUARANTINE (D+)
- MAX PAYNE (C-)
- BURN AFTER READING (B+)
- HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: SENIOR YEAR (C+)
- SAW 5 (F-)
September 2008
- BANGKOK DANGEROUS (C+)
- DEATH RACE (D+)
- VICKI CRISTINA BARCELONA (B)
- TRAITOR (B-)
- MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL (F)
- RIGHTEOUS KILL (B-)
- EAGLE EYE (C-)
- NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (D)
August 2008
- THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (D)
- SWING VOTE (C)
- THE SISTEROOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2 (C+)
- PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (C-)
- TROPIC THUNDER (B+)
- MIRRORS (C-)
- THE ROCKER (C)
- THE CLONE WARS (D)
July 2008
- WALL-E (A)
- WANTED (D+)
- HANCOCK (A-)
- HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (B+)
- JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - in 3D (C+)
- MEET DAVE (D+)
- THE DARK KNIGHT (A-)
- MAMA MIA! (B-)
- SPACE CHIMPS (B)
- STEP BROTHERS (D+)
- THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (D)
June 2008
- SEX IN THE CITY (B-)
- KUNG FU PANDA (A-)
- YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (D)
- THE INCREDIBLE HULK (C+)
- THE STRANGERS (D+)
- THE HAPPENING (D)
- GET SMART (B-)
- THE LOVE GURU (D)
May 2008
March 2008
- DR. SEUSS' HORTON HEARS A WHO (B)
- PENELOPE (B)
- NEVER BACK DOWN (C-)
February 2008
- The Eye (C)
- Meet the Spartans (F)
- Fool's Gold (D)
- Sweeney Todd (A)
- The Spiderwick Chronicles (B)
- Jumper (C)
- Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins (C)
- Untraceable (D+)
- Joe's Long List of Long Movies (A)
January 2008
- JUNO (B+)
- ONE MISSED CALL (D-)
- THE WATER HORSE: LEGEND OF THE DEEP (B+)
- ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM (none)
- BUCKET LIST (B+)
- FIRST SUNDAY (C+)
- NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (A)
- 27 DRESSES (C+)
- CLOVERFIELD (C+)
- MAD MONEY (D)
- Atonement (A)
- John Rambo (C+)
December 2007
- AWAKE (none)
- THE GOLDEN COMPASS (C)
- I AM LEGEND (B-)
- ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS (D)
- Charlie Wilson's War (B-)
- NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS (C+)
November 2007
- GONE BABY GONE (A-)
- American Gangster (A-)
- Bee Movie (B-)
- ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (C+)
- FRED CLAUS (C-)
- ENCHANTED (A-)
- DAN IN REAL LIFE (B)
- The Mist (C-)
- HITMAN (D-)
- MICHAEL CLAYTON (A-)
- BEOWULF (B-)
- MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM (D)
October 2007
- The Kingdom (B-)
- Dragon Wars (D)
- The Game Plan (D)
- The Heartbreak Kid (C)
- Sydney White (D-)
- The Seeker (none)
- We Own the Night (B-)
- 30 Days of Night (B)
- The Nightmare Before Christmas (3D Version) (B+)
- The Ten Commandments (D)
- The Comebacks (none)
- WHY DID I GET MARRIED? (C)
September 2007
- Balls of Fury (C-)
- War (C-)
- Halloween (D+)
- 3:10 to Yuma (B+)
- The Brave One (A-)
- Becoming Jane (B)
- Mr. Woodcock (D)
- Resident Evil: Extinction (D)
- Good Luck, Chuck (F)
August 2007
- The Bourne Ultimatum (A-)
- Underdog (C+)
- Hot Rod (C-)
- Stardust (B)
- Rush Hour 3 (D)
- I Know Who Killed Me (D-)
- Daddy Day Care (F-)
- Superbad (B-)
- No Reservations (B-)
- Invasion (D)
- The Nanny Diaries (C)
July 2007
- Ratatouille (A)
- Live Free or Die Hard (B+)
- Transformers (B-)
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (B+)
- Hairspray (A-)
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (D-)
- The Simpson's Movie (A-)
June 2007
- Hot Fuzz (B+)
- Knocked Up (C)
- Mr. Brooks (C+)
- Ocean's 13 (B+)
- Surf's Up (B)
- Hostel II (F)
- Nancy Drew (C)
- The Fantastic Four (C-)
- 1408 (A-)
- Evan Almighty (C+)
May 2007
- Hoax (B+)
- Amazing Grace (B)
- Next (C+)
- The Condemned (D-)
- Kickin' It Old School (F)
- Spider Man III (C-)
- Lucky You (B-)
- Wild Hogs (D)
- 28 Weeks Later (C+)
- Georgia Rule (D)
- Delta Farce (None)
- The Invisible (C)
- Fracture (B)
- Bug (C-)
- Pirates of the Caribbean III (C+)
April 2007
- Meet the Robinsons (B+)
- Shooter (C+)
- Blades of Glory (C)
- The Last Mimsy (C+)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (C)
- The Hills Have Eyes II (D+)
- Are We Done Yet (F)
- The Reaping (D-)
- Firehouse Dog (C+)
- Disturbia (D)
- Pathfinder (D)
- Perfect Stranger (C-)
- Vacancy (C+)
March 2007
- Wild Hogs (C-)
- 300 (B+)
- The Number 23 (D)
- Zodiac (B)
- Premonition (B+)
February 2007
- The Messengers (C)
- Because I Said So (None)
- Norbit (None)
- Music and Lyrics (C+)
- Ghost Rider (D)
- Hannibal Rising (D)
- Bridge to Terabithia (A)
- The Astronaut Farmer (B+)
- The Abandoned (B-)
- Reno 911: Miami (D)
June 2006
- The Break Up (C-)
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