WATCHMEN (A solid R for ongoing bloody violence, sex, nudity, profanity)
Made for the huge audience of techno nerds that, familiar with the material, invaded this theatre - along with one couple who drugged their less than two-year-old kid with orange juice to keep her quiet). I'm told it is faithfully based on the 12-issue comic book, later made into a highly successful novel. The film version, in an attempt to include as much of the material as possible, crammed it in short-hand style into wham-bam action and zippy cutting, the results of which so aroused the ire of Alan Moore (who, with Dave Gibbons wrote the book) that he disavowed the adaptation.
Without having taken the time to read the massive tome, I found myself lost for the first expositional half hour. Gradually, I recognized a pattern of sorts: seems until 1985 (with Richard Nixon now in his 5th term as president), cities were protected by "watchmen," created to protect us with their diverse powers - much as it might have been if Superman, Spiderman, et al, operated simultaneously around the country, each within its own regional boundaries - God only knows how things operated around the rest of the globe. No matter. This is comic book material, right?
Well, as the movie progresses, we are treated to flashbacks revealing some whys and wherefores about the watchpeople (one's female, with her daughter taking over as she ages); that are introduced to fill in the blanks, but because the material is crammed in short-hand style, it actually confuses more than helps. What does become somewhat clear is that one of the group - Rorschach, a paranoid fellow with face concealed behind a cloth mask covered with ever-changing Rorschach-like shapes - comes to the conclusion that the watchers, no longer needed, are in danger of being stamped out, but by whom, and why, and how? The extant watchers, now busy with their own private lives and loves, pay little attention to Rorshach's warning, untilŠ
That's when things get really complicated. Suffice to say, wild, super-natural things happen, here and in the universe. Added to the mix is a secondary plot: our government is now involved in a "Dr. Strangelove" kind of international situation and may need help to avert global destruction.
The action is comic book wild and ongoing, with the "bams" and "pows" replaced by graphically brutal mayhem that include beyond the use of fists a whole series of interesting devices, like flame throwers, body mutilation, vicious animals, evisceration, and a variety of knives and hatchets, always with hyped-up sound and blood spraying in all directions. (The little girl abandoned her orange juice fix and sat wide-eyed in her mother's lap as she watched a hatchet repeated slam into a thug's head, but began crying during a particularly graphic sex scene. One way to educate to the young?)
The effects were spectacular: director Zack Snyder let all stops out for speed and ultra-super-comic book bigger-than-life storytelling; screen writers David Hayter and Alex Tse created a tight-knit script that included profundity like, "The existence of life has been highly overrated," to the banal, after a particularly violent battle, "It's kinda heavy, y'know?" while composer Tyler Bates threw in everything from Nat King Cole, Paul Simon and Bob Dillon to Mozart and Philip Glass to back up the wide-screen, awesome effects. If not comprehensible, at least the movie was big on atmosphere - the 163-minutes were far from dull.
A question remained, even after some enthusiastic nerds tried to explain to me what it was all about - should a film with a budget that matches our national debt be made to satisfy only those who have done their book-reading homework first? We didn't need to read "Gone With the Wind" or any other epic-making film for full appreciation. I know Snyder faced the issue head on, but even with his compromises, it didn't work.
Archived Movie Reviews
August 2009
- JULIE AND JULIA (A-)
- G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (B-)
- INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (B)
- SHORTS (B)
- POST GRAD (F)
July 2009
- MY SISTER'S KEEPER (C+)
- TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (D)
- PUBLIC ENEMIES (B+)
- ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (C+)
- BRUNO (D+)
- HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (A-)
- ORPHAN (B-)
- THE UGLY TRUTH (D+)
- G-FORCE (F+)
June 2009
- UP (A)
- DRAG ME TO HELL (B-)
- THE HANGOVER (C+)
- LAND OF THE LOST (D+)
- THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (B)
- IMAGINE THAT (D+)
- The Proposal (B-)
- Year One (D)
May 2009
- STAR TREK (2009) (A-)
- ANGELS & DEMONS (B-)
- Earth (B+)
- NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (B)
- TERMINATOR 4 (D+)
- DANCE FLICK (D-)
April 2009
- FAST & FURIOUS - #4 (C+)
- HANNAH MONTANA THE MOVIE (B-)
- OBSERVE & REPORT (D+)
- DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION (Grade: F)
- STATE OF PLAY (B+)
- 17 AGAIN (C-)
March 2009
- THE UNINVITED (B-)
- NEW IN TOWN (F)
- REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (A)
- WATCHMEN (B-)
- DEFIANCE (C+)
- DUPLICITY (B-)
- I LOVE YOU, MAN (C-)
- KNOWING (C-)
- CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (F)
- MONSTERS VS. ALIENS (B-)
- THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (C+)
- 12 ROUNDS (C-)
- THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (F)
February 2009
- TAKEN (C+)
- GRAN TORINO (C)
- DOUBT (B-)
- PUSH (B)
- HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (C-)
- THE PINK PANTHER 2 (D)
- THE INTERNATIONAL (B-)
- FRIDAY THE 13th (F)
- SLUMDOG MILLILONAIRE (A-)
- FIRE UP (D)
January 2009
- BRIDE WARS (C-)
- MY BLOODY VALENTINE (C+)
- HOTEL FOR DOGS (C+)
- PAUL BLART: MALL COP (C-)
- INKHEART (C)
- UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (C-)
- THE UNBORN (D-)
December 2008
- AUSTRALIA (B+)
- FOUR CHRISTMASES (F)
- PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (D-)
- THE CHANGELING (A-)
- THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, 2008 (D+)
- SEVEN POUNDS (B-)
- YES MAN (D+)
- TRANSPORTER 3 (D)
- THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (A)
- VALKYRIE (B+)
- THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX (A-)
- MARLEY & ME (D+)
- SPIRIT (D)
November 2008
- W (A-)
- MADAGASCAR II - ESCAPE TO AFRICA (C-)
- ROLE MODELS (D-)
- QUANTUM OF SOLAS (C+)
- BOLT (B)
- TWILIGHT (C+)
October 2008
- BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (C+)
- QUARANTINE (D+)
- MAX PAYNE (C-)
- BURN AFTER READING (B+)
- HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: SENIOR YEAR (C+)
- SAW 5 (F-)
September 2008
- BANGKOK DANGEROUS (C+)
- DEATH RACE (D+)
- VICKI CRISTINA BARCELONA (B)
- TRAITOR (B-)
- MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL (F)
- RIGHTEOUS KILL (B-)
- EAGLE EYE (C-)
- NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (D)
August 2008
- THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (D)
- SWING VOTE (C)
- THE SISTEROOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2 (C+)
- PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (C-)
- TROPIC THUNDER (B+)
- MIRRORS (C-)
- THE ROCKER (C)
- THE CLONE WARS (D)
July 2008
- WALL-E (A)
- WANTED (D+)
- HANCOCK (A-)
- HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (B+)
- JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - in 3D (C+)
- MEET DAVE (D+)
- THE DARK KNIGHT (A-)
- MAMA MIA! (B-)
- SPACE CHIMPS (B)
- STEP BROTHERS (D+)
- THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (D)
June 2008
- SEX IN THE CITY (B-)
- KUNG FU PANDA (A-)
- YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (D)
- THE INCREDIBLE HULK (C+)
- THE STRANGERS (D+)
- THE HAPPENING (D)
- GET SMART (B-)
- THE LOVE GURU (D)
May 2008
March 2008
- DR. SEUSS' HORTON HEARS A WHO (B)
- PENELOPE (B)
- NEVER BACK DOWN (C-)
February 2008
- The Eye (C)
- Meet the Spartans (F)
- Fool's Gold (D)
- Sweeney Todd (A)
- The Spiderwick Chronicles (B)
- Jumper (C)
- Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins (C)
- Untraceable (D+)
- Joe's Long List of Long Movies (A)
January 2008
- JUNO (B+)
- ONE MISSED CALL (D-)
- THE WATER HORSE: LEGEND OF THE DEEP (B+)
- ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM (none)
- BUCKET LIST (B+)
- FIRST SUNDAY (C+)
- NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (A)
- 27 DRESSES (C+)
- CLOVERFIELD (C+)
- MAD MONEY (D)
- Atonement (A)
- John Rambo (C+)
December 2007
- AWAKE (none)
- THE GOLDEN COMPASS (C)
- I AM LEGEND (B-)
- ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS (D)
- Charlie Wilson's War (B-)
- NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS (C+)
November 2007
- GONE BABY GONE (A-)
- American Gangster (A-)
- Bee Movie (B-)
- ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (C+)
- FRED CLAUS (C-)
- ENCHANTED (A-)
- DAN IN REAL LIFE (B)
- The Mist (C-)
- HITMAN (D-)
- MICHAEL CLAYTON (A-)
- BEOWULF (B-)
- MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM (D)
October 2007
- The Kingdom (B-)
- Dragon Wars (D)
- The Game Plan (D)
- The Heartbreak Kid (C)
- Sydney White (D-)
- The Seeker (none)
- We Own the Night (B-)
- 30 Days of Night (B)
- The Nightmare Before Christmas (3D Version) (B+)
- The Ten Commandments (D)
- The Comebacks (none)
- WHY DID I GET MARRIED? (C)
September 2007
- Balls of Fury (C-)
- War (C-)
- Halloween (D+)
- 3:10 to Yuma (B+)
- The Brave One (A-)
- Becoming Jane (B)
- Mr. Woodcock (D)
- Resident Evil: Extinction (D)
- Good Luck, Chuck (F)
August 2007
- The Bourne Ultimatum (A-)
- Underdog (C+)
- Hot Rod (C-)
- Stardust (B)
- Rush Hour 3 (D)
- I Know Who Killed Me (D-)
- Daddy Day Care (F-)
- Superbad (B-)
- No Reservations (B-)
- Invasion (D)
- The Nanny Diaries (C)
July 2007
- Ratatouille (A)
- Live Free or Die Hard (B+)
- Transformers (B-)
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (B+)
- Hairspray (A-)
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (D-)
- The Simpson's Movie (A-)
June 2007
- Hot Fuzz (B+)
- Knocked Up (C)
- Mr. Brooks (C+)
- Ocean's 13 (B+)
- Surf's Up (B)
- Hostel II (F)
- Nancy Drew (C)
- The Fantastic Four (C-)
- 1408 (A-)
- Evan Almighty (C+)
May 2007
- Hoax (B+)
- Amazing Grace (B)
- Next (C+)
- The Condemned (D-)
- Kickin' It Old School (F)
- Spider Man III (C-)
- Lucky You (B-)
- Wild Hogs (D)
- 28 Weeks Later (C+)
- Georgia Rule (D)
- Delta Farce (None)
- The Invisible (C)
- Fracture (B)
- Bug (C-)
- Pirates of the Caribbean III (C+)
April 2007
- Meet the Robinsons (B+)
- Shooter (C+)
- Blades of Glory (C)
- The Last Mimsy (C+)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (C)
- The Hills Have Eyes II (D+)
- Are We Done Yet (F)
- The Reaping (D-)
- Firehouse Dog (C+)
- Disturbia (D)
- Pathfinder (D)
- Perfect Stranger (C-)
- Vacancy (C+)
March 2007
- Wild Hogs (C-)
- 300 (B+)
- The Number 23 (D)
- Zodiac (B)
- Premonition (B+)
February 2007
- The Messengers (C)
- Because I Said So (None)
- Norbit (None)
- Music and Lyrics (C+)
- Ghost Rider (D)
- Hannibal Rising (D)
- Bridge to Terabithia (A)
- The Astronaut Farmer (B+)
- The Abandoned (B-)
- Reno 911: Miami (D)
June 2006
- The Break Up (C-)
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