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FOUR CHRISTMASES (PG-13 for excessive profanity, some comic violence, and ongoing sexual situations & references)
And now for something completely and disgustingly irrelevant.
Get this impossible sitcom plot: A couple (Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon) meet at a bar, hook up sexually, instantly, live together for eight years. Each Christmas they find an excuse to avoid family reunions, then rush off to an island paradise for lots of fun. Caught on local television at the airport when flights are cancelled due to bad weather, they're forced to spend four miserable, unpleasant, oafish, grueling sessions with their separated parents. No one escapes as anything but stupid, inane, cruel, insensitive or grossly unpleasant. All the usual laugh triggers are employed, from vomiting babies to family rough housing, from egregious interactions to low-life and outlandish over-the-top attitudes among one another - funny only on clichés at the basest level.
There are no REAL people here; they move, act and speak as guided by the writers' (Matt R. Allen, Caleb Wilson, Jon Lucas, Scott Moore), worsened by Seth Gordon's direction to an unbelievable awfulness. Even the stars can't rise above it with ongoing, ineffable (and obvious) improvisation. And the final switch to a sentimental conclusion will satisfy no one. The loutish behaviors running unbearably for 85-minutes leave their bad taste right to the very end. Good try, horrible results.
F
Archived Movie Reviews
August 2009
- JULIE AND JULIA (A-)
- G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (B-)
- INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (B)
- SHORTS (B)
- POST GRAD (F)
July 2009
- MY SISTER'S KEEPER (C+)
- TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (D)
- PUBLIC ENEMIES (B+)
- ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (C+)
- BRUNO (D+)
- HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (A-)
- ORPHAN (B-)
- THE UGLY TRUTH (D+)
- G-FORCE (F+)
June 2009
- UP (A)
- DRAG ME TO HELL (B-)
- THE HANGOVER (C+)
- LAND OF THE LOST (D+)
- THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (B)
- IMAGINE THAT (D+)
- The Proposal (B-)
- Year One (D)
May 2009
- STAR TREK (2009) (A-)
- ANGELS & DEMONS (B-)
- Earth (B+)
- NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (B)
- TERMINATOR 4 (D+)
- DANCE FLICK (D-)
April 2009
- FAST & FURIOUS - #4 (C+)
- HANNAH MONTANA THE MOVIE (B-)
- OBSERVE & REPORT (D+)
- DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION (Grade: F)
- STATE OF PLAY (B+)
- 17 AGAIN (C-)
March 2009
- THE UNINVITED (B-)
- NEW IN TOWN (F)
- REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (A)
- WATCHMEN (B-)
- DEFIANCE (C+)
- DUPLICITY (B-)
- I LOVE YOU, MAN (C-)
- KNOWING (C-)
- CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (F)
- MONSTERS VS. ALIENS (B-)
- THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (C+)
- 12 ROUNDS (C-)
- THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (F)
February 2009
- TAKEN (C+)
- GRAN TORINO (C)
- DOUBT (B-)
- PUSH (B)
- HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (C-)
- THE PINK PANTHER 2 (D)
- THE INTERNATIONAL (B-)
- FRIDAY THE 13th (F)
- SLUMDOG MILLILONAIRE (A-)
- FIRE UP (D)
January 2009
- BRIDE WARS (C-)
- MY BLOODY VALENTINE (C+)
- HOTEL FOR DOGS (C+)
- PAUL BLART: MALL COP (C-)
- INKHEART (C)
- UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (C-)
- THE UNBORN (D-)
December 2008
- AUSTRALIA (B+)
- FOUR CHRISTMASES (F)
- PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (D-)
- THE CHANGELING (A-)
- THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, 2008 (D+)
- SEVEN POUNDS (B-)
- YES MAN (D+)
- TRANSPORTER 3 (D)
- THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (A)
- VALKYRIE (B+)
- THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX (A-)
- MARLEY & ME (D+)
- SPIRIT (D)
November 2008
- W (A-)
- MADAGASCAR II - ESCAPE TO AFRICA (C-)
- ROLE MODELS (D-)
- QUANTUM OF SOLAS (C+)
- BOLT (B)
- TWILIGHT (C+)
October 2008
- BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (C+)
- QUARANTINE (D+)
- MAX PAYNE (C-)
- BURN AFTER READING (B+)
- HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: SENIOR YEAR (C+)
- SAW 5 (F-)
September 2008
- BANGKOK DANGEROUS (C+)
- DEATH RACE (D+)
- VICKI CRISTINA BARCELONA (B)
- TRAITOR (B-)
- MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL (F)
- RIGHTEOUS KILL (B-)
- EAGLE EYE (C-)
- NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (D)
August 2008
- THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (D)
- SWING VOTE (C)
- THE SISTEROOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2 (C+)
- PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (C-)
- TROPIC THUNDER (B+)
- MIRRORS (C-)
- THE ROCKER (C)
- THE CLONE WARS (D)
July 2008
- WALL-E (A)
- WANTED (D+)
- HANCOCK (A-)
- HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (B+)
- JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - in 3D (C+)
- MEET DAVE (D+)
- THE DARK KNIGHT (A-)
- MAMA MIA! (B-)
- SPACE CHIMPS (B)
- STEP BROTHERS (D+)
- THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (D)
June 2008
- SEX IN THE CITY (B-)
- KUNG FU PANDA (A-)
- YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (D)
- THE INCREDIBLE HULK (C+)
- THE STRANGERS (D+)
- THE HAPPENING (D)
- GET SMART (B-)
- THE LOVE GURU (D)
May 2008
March 2008
- DR. SEUSS' HORTON HEARS A WHO (B)
- PENELOPE (B)
- NEVER BACK DOWN (C-)
February 2008
- The Eye (C)
- Meet the Spartans (F)
- Fool's Gold (D)
- Sweeney Todd (A)
- The Spiderwick Chronicles (B)
- Jumper (C)
- Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins (C)
- Untraceable (D+)
- Joe's Long List of Long Movies (A)
January 2008
- JUNO (B+)
- ONE MISSED CALL (D-)
- THE WATER HORSE: LEGEND OF THE DEEP (B+)
- ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM (none)
- BUCKET LIST (B+)
- FIRST SUNDAY (C+)
- NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (A)
- 27 DRESSES (C+)
- CLOVERFIELD (C+)
- MAD MONEY (D)
- Atonement (A)
- John Rambo (C+)
December 2007
- AWAKE (none)
- THE GOLDEN COMPASS (C)
- I AM LEGEND (B-)
- ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS (D)
- Charlie Wilson's War (B-)
- NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS (C+)
November 2007
- GONE BABY GONE (A-)
- American Gangster (A-)
- Bee Movie (B-)
- ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (C+)
- FRED CLAUS (C-)
- ENCHANTED (A-)
- DAN IN REAL LIFE (B)
- The Mist (C-)
- HITMAN (D-)
- MICHAEL CLAYTON (A-)
- BEOWULF (B-)
- MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM (D)
October 2007
- The Kingdom (B-)
- Dragon Wars (D)
- The Game Plan (D)
- The Heartbreak Kid (C)
- Sydney White (D-)
- The Seeker (none)
- We Own the Night (B-)
- 30 Days of Night (B)
- The Nightmare Before Christmas (3D Version) (B+)
- The Ten Commandments (D)
- The Comebacks (none)
- WHY DID I GET MARRIED? (C)
September 2007
- Balls of Fury (C-)
- War (C-)
- Halloween (D+)
- 3:10 to Yuma (B+)
- The Brave One (A-)
- Becoming Jane (B)
- Mr. Woodcock (D)
- Resident Evil: Extinction (D)
- Good Luck, Chuck (F)
August 2007
- The Bourne Ultimatum (A-)
- Underdog (C+)
- Hot Rod (C-)
- Stardust (B)
- Rush Hour 3 (D)
- I Know Who Killed Me (D-)
- Daddy Day Care (F-)
- Superbad (B-)
- No Reservations (B-)
- Invasion (D)
- The Nanny Diaries (C)
July 2007
- Ratatouille (A)
- Live Free or Die Hard (B+)
- Transformers (B-)
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (B+)
- Hairspray (A-)
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (D-)
- The Simpson's Movie (A-)
June 2007
- Hot Fuzz (B+)
- Knocked Up (C)
- Mr. Brooks (C+)
- Ocean's 13 (B+)
- Surf's Up (B)
- Hostel II (F)
- Nancy Drew (C)
- The Fantastic Four (C-)
- 1408 (A-)
- Evan Almighty (C+)
May 2007
- Hoax (B+)
- Amazing Grace (B)
- Next (C+)
- The Condemned (D-)
- Kickin' It Old School (F)
- Spider Man III (C-)
- Lucky You (B-)
- Wild Hogs (D)
- 28 Weeks Later (C+)
- Georgia Rule (D)
- Delta Farce (None)
- The Invisible (C)
- Fracture (B)
- Bug (C-)
- Pirates of the Caribbean III (C+)
April 2007
- Meet the Robinsons (B+)
- Shooter (C+)
- Blades of Glory (C)
- The Last Mimsy (C+)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (C)
- The Hills Have Eyes II (D+)
- Are We Done Yet (F)
- The Reaping (D-)
- Firehouse Dog (C+)
- Disturbia (D)
- Pathfinder (D)
- Perfect Stranger (C-)
- Vacancy (C+)
March 2007
- Wild Hogs (C-)
- 300 (B+)
- The Number 23 (D)
- Zodiac (B)
- Premonition (B+)
February 2007
- The Messengers (C)
- Because I Said So (None)
- Norbit (None)
- Music and Lyrics (C+)
- Ghost Rider (D)
- Hannibal Rising (D)
- Bridge to Terabithia (A)
- The Astronaut Farmer (B+)
- The Abandoned (B-)
- Reno 911: Miami (D)
June 2006
- The Break Up (C-)